Couponing!

Boy do I love couponing, thanks to my mother who is master coupon queen/happiness maker. She helps out the white center food bank and gets them 1000 boxes of cereal or 1000 boxes of fruit snacks each week and then some. Id like to think of all the happy little faces she gets to make smile each week because of her time and generosity. When I think about things like Japan and I feel overwhlemed because there is only so much we can do here besides donate money, but when I think about the tragedy of hungry kids at night here I feel empowered, I have found the tool to help families get fed and I am so excited to start making a difference. It is so sad to me there are people going to bed hungry next to people who throw out food living next door. It is so easy to buy a few groceries and donate them as well as learn how to coupon for your family and because you are so blessed with the savings being able to help others. Maybe theres a pair of jeans you dont wear or some toys your kids don't play with, youd be amazed how many neighbors you have that are hurting and in need. Please remember there are people who need your help and even though you might not think your making a difference with a small donation or gift, you may be the world to someone. My mom most certainly is the world to some sweet little kids who find a box of trix and fruit snack after a week with very little food or none at all. Please donate something today to your local foodbank, it will impact a needy family immediately:)

Bitterness

God, why is it so hard to let go? Why do I allow little things to grow into huge mountains? Is it so hard to forgive tiny transgressions when God has to forgive my garbage all the time? Do we really think we deserve forgiveness more than others. Sometimes Im so pissed at myself for not having the heart of Christ when I know how much others and the Lord have forgiven me. We are supposed to esteem others as better than us, yet we find a way to knock each other down constantly. I pray right now for a changed heart and a new mindset...Lord help us all love and forgive one another in Jesus name.

Why waste your breath?

I'm getting so sick of people bragging about religion...It's not cause I don't believe and because I'm a bitter person, but why don't more people live about God instead of talking about God? What good does it do to read your bible and be an asshole? What good does it do to waste your breath on those who aren't listening, the bible says don't throw your pearls of wisdom to pigs...If you are living a Godly life you don't need to say anything...remind anyone to live like you ...brag about what your doing for God. God says if you brag about yourself on earth that is your reward but if you keep your good deeds to yourself your rewards are many in heaven. Why do so many Christians feel they aren't religious enough if they aren't constantly talking about Jesus to a point it annoys everyone? Ever heard the term don't be so heavenly minded your no earthly good? Basically how are you going to reach real people here and now if you are not even relate-able....you've elevated yourself by puffed up talk that you are on a holy-er level than everyone. Why is this? Are we so insecure in who we are or have we made up our minds we are not a witness to Christ in our daily living. I do not by any means discount those who feel lead by the spirit to speak truth life or encouragement to others but why should your every word be "bless this" and "amen that" ? Is there a new super religion where we've lost our own humanity? If Jesus has touched your life so deeply than truly words will never be enough you will be a living epistle... "i know hard word google it" ...it means living story...not living narrator. Pray tonight ask God to take over and be an example through your actions not your religious word, it'll change your life.

Pretty underwear:)

This past week I had a great girlfriend of mine come up to visit from Texas, it was such a wonderful visit that taught me valuable lessons. I always try and learn new things from my friends and take away advice and ideas. I believe as women we are like a treasure box filled with secrets and tips from life experiences and trials and tribulations. As much as I like to pretend I know it all, and yes I try and pretend, the clear fact remains that i do not. I am reminded of this as I walk with my girlfriend and see the things she does in her life to bring her small amounts of joy. These, mind you are not profound things they are as simple as buying herself new underwear, buying that special treat she wants so she knows she wont overindulge and watching her perfect her makeup as if shes an artist. "self-care" is what she calls it and somehow in my new motherhood I have completely forgotten that it is ok to take care of myself and not feel guilty about it. Why do we do this as women, even the makers of jet liners know to put in the instruction manual please place your mask on yourself before assisting others, why are we so backwards in our thinking with our husbands, children and beyond? Why do we feel like the more we martyr ourselves for others this somehow proves us worthy? Is this ingrained in our beings or is this just a generational curse passed on from one guilty mother to the next. Now I by no means think this is an excuse to neglect my daily living rituals, taking care of the kids and putting dinner on the table but I have learned this from my dear friend...it is ok to take a shower before my kids do, to make my hair pretty, to buy those pretty underwear just because they make me feel better. It is ok to order takeout instead of cooking and that the dishes will wait for me if I choose to watch 3 reruns of sex & the city. It took me six days of watching my friend truly enjoy herself and her self care to realize I was missing out on life's little secrets. The day she left I hit the gym and I went tanning and put my son in the gyms daycare for the first time because for the first time in a long time I knew that taking care of myself meant I would become a better mother, wife, lover and friend. And now I hope to pass along this wisdom to other women....What have you done for "you" today?

Creeping up on me...

As much as I want to walk forward, I always hear the voices of my past creeping up on me. The "you are not good enoughs" or "they'll always talk about you behind your back." I continue to question my my own worth, even though I know I am worthy. Worrying that I don't fit the mold, the norm...this generally happens when I make new friends, knowing that I have a crazy past, feeling as if I somehow have to prove myself as worthy. Its days like today, when there is quiet for a few minutes that I reflect on what I know is true. The past is the past...the future has not yet occurred and all I have is right now, who I am today defines me. Today, I am a loving mother,today I am a wife who is trying to be a better one, today I am a writer. Each day I perfect what I put my heart into, we perfect whatever it is we practice. Now my goal is no perfection, my goal is to be more Christ like. To have his patience, heart and love, to think higher of others than myself....thats a hard one! I think I need to just take a step back from myself and look from the outside and let the Lord whisper into my soul and heart how he thinks of me....worthy...beautiful...loving....a princess...His girl. I do not need toe worlds approval nor do I need the past defining who I am. I am Alyssa and I think I'm just going to have to accept that I am loved and perfectly me. xo

Epic weekend

I had a wonderful weekend. I truly did, this happened because I chose not to stress myself out. Generally I try and get the house ready for the weekend. I am one of those mothers who feels like she needs to have the house in order so she can go out and enjoy my free time on the weekends without knowing a pile of dishes or a basket of laundry is waiting for me. I have inherited my guilt from my mother and you would probably think me Catholic because of it. So Friday night my husband and I enjoyed a nice meal and we watched some tv together and relaxed, I didnt get all stressed about the mess in the kitchen or the fact that the kid's room was a mess, I just enjoyed my family for once. Saturday came and we hung out,my husband let me sleep in and we went and got some chicken fajita pitas at jack in the box with some coupons, it was a great deal and we love saving money. We headed to our bible study and just enjoyed being around our friends and talking about God and what hes doing for us and in us. When we came home we snuggled and just truly enjoyed one another, this may not seem epic to anyone, but me and my husband tend to bicker and fight with each other over the smallest things and I find when I let go, he mellows out and if I ask for his help he does it. Today he did the dishes and helped organize the kid's room which took 3 hours, and he did it all without complaining. By the end of the evening my husband leaned in to kiss me and I said " do you notice something" and he says "ya, were not fighting". How beautiful is that? The more I find myself praying and letting go of my control the more God has room to heal the brokenness in our marriage. God tells us when we are weak he is strong,this tells me I don't have to be strong all the time, I don't have to be perfect, have my dishes done, or all the chores caught up and if I relax its ok. This weekend was argue free and who wants to raise kids arguing all the time?! I sure dont, I really pray we continue working in unity and remaining kind to one another because when we are like this I think we can accomplish anything we put our minds and heart into and that we are a match made in heaven. I really adore my husband and I know that God is working on us because I see the fruits and they taste so sweet.

Working through the exhaustion

Today was a most challenging day for me as my son cried and wailed for 3 hours straight...this brought me to tears myself. Its very hard to think that I could ever get frustrated with a newborn, especially my own, especially with all I have been through to get to him. I experienced two losses before Judah. I was told he was a miscarriage and he wouldn't survive. He is MY miracle baby. He is my heart. I have an older daughter Layla who is seven and a half and she is also my heart, but there is something so special to be said about the connection of a mom and her boy. I grew up knowing my mom favored my brother which always made me feel insecure and i never understood it. Please dont get me wrong I LOVE Layla but Judah is just so different. I spoke with a friend and she said for women who were ever abused in anyway when we have boys it is our opportunity to raise them in a way we would want a man to be, to love, respect and care for women and maybe that has to do with the bonding of a mother and her son. Anyhow back to my point, I am a veteran mother and Layla had SEVERE colic so when I had Judah all I could think is anything had to be better than what Layla put me through and I would soar through the first 3 months. How wrong was I! It hit about 2 weeks ago when I lost my patience, mind and I began crying uncontrollably. I had to put him in the crib and call my best girlfriend and have her come take over. This has really punched me in the self esteem gut of motherhood. Here I am 8 years older,wiser,married, financially stable, basically all the things I wasn't when I had my first thinking I had it down and I was prepared for anything motherhood could bring my way. Thinking somehow that all those status changes would somehow overpower my own humanity, my own weaknesses. I am humbled today to know we ALL go through the stress whether we admit it to others or not. No matter how big the miracle of our children....we all lose it sometimes and it is OK and it is HUMAN and GOD is STILL in CONTROL. Man what a hard thing to remember, I can't do this all my own, I have to reach out and it's ok. It doesn't make Judah any less of a miracle, it doesn't make me any worse of a person, it doesn't mean I am taking for granted this sweet time in his life. It just means I am a human being...whew. Im glad Ive reached this conclusion. I pray a tired mother will stumble across my blog today and remember shes just human and does not need to be superwoman. Its ok to be regular,loving,caring , pulling hair out mom too :) Blessings all xoxox!