My God I am bored, I dont know if its the fact ive been home for 9 months as a stay at home mother or its because I just changed the millionth diaper, Or maybe its the fact that this is all im doing an ill be 30 in 3 months. Why does this not seem appealing anymore, I want to make a mad dash for the door and go to a place where adults meet and talk and wear cute things and talk about where they bought them, where people sip drinks they special order, "Ill have a non fat double tall mocha choca...." whatever, you know what Im saying....And if I open my purse a binki and a baby spoon wont come flying out, if I open my car door you wont see a disaster of kids sweatshirts a scooter and baby toys. I would like my identity back for like 2 seconds please. I own a freakking minivan! When did this happen? Somewhere between I do and now I seem to have lost a part of me, the me that used to do things for herself, who used to write and spend time alone in her room, who used to make 3 hour phone calls and not feel guilty about it. I used to take myself to the bookstore and read and take a drive just because I wanted to. Now I havent the time for such non sense, Im too busy wiping the spit up off my sweater I tried to wear to look like a sophisticated human, and driving around in a van to make my baby fall alseep instead of just for fun. Somewhere out there is a independent, fun and adventurous woman working her dream job and going out at 4 with the girls to have a lovely happy hour and maybe just maybe she's wishing she had a family and was a stay at home mom....I guess all I can say is what mom always tells me"this too shall pass." I'm too smart though to believe my current discontentment, about 10 minutes after arriving at the place all the cool adults gather and drink their expensive soy lattes and wear their over priced clothes and talk about really important adult stuff, Ill suddenly feel naked and bare, and look around for my kids and Ill want to reach down and pick up my baby and ill feel a tug in my heart and know that even though ill never be the same, I wouldn't want to be.
