Working through the exhaustion

Today was a most challenging day for me as my son cried and wailed for 3 hours straight...this brought me to tears myself. Its very hard to think that I could ever get frustrated with a newborn, especially my own, especially with all I have been through to get to him. I experienced two losses before Judah. I was told he was a miscarriage and he wouldn't survive. He is MY miracle baby. He is my heart. I have an older daughter Layla who is seven and a half and she is also my heart, but there is something so special to be said about the connection of a mom and her boy. I grew up knowing my mom favored my brother which always made me feel insecure and i never understood it. Please dont get me wrong I LOVE Layla but Judah is just so different. I spoke with a friend and she said for women who were ever abused in anyway when we have boys it is our opportunity to raise them in a way we would want a man to be, to love, respect and care for women and maybe that has to do with the bonding of a mother and her son. Anyhow back to my point, I am a veteran mother and Layla had SEVERE colic so when I had Judah all I could think is anything had to be better than what Layla put me through and I would soar through the first 3 months. How wrong was I! It hit about 2 weeks ago when I lost my patience, mind and I began crying uncontrollably. I had to put him in the crib and call my best girlfriend and have her come take over. This has really punched me in the self esteem gut of motherhood. Here I am 8 years older,wiser,married, financially stable, basically all the things I wasn't when I had my first thinking I had it down and I was prepared for anything motherhood could bring my way. Thinking somehow that all those status changes would somehow overpower my own humanity, my own weaknesses. I am humbled today to know we ALL go through the stress whether we admit it to others or not. No matter how big the miracle of our children....we all lose it sometimes and it is OK and it is HUMAN and GOD is STILL in CONTROL. Man what a hard thing to remember, I can't do this all my own, I have to reach out and it's ok. It doesn't make Judah any less of a miracle, it doesn't make me any worse of a person, it doesn't mean I am taking for granted this sweet time in his life. It just means I am a human being...whew. Im glad Ive reached this conclusion. I pray a tired mother will stumble across my blog today and remember shes just human and does not need to be superwoman. Its ok to be regular,loving,caring , pulling hair out mom too :) Blessings all xoxox!